struttenparker

struttenparker adj.: Someone who revs their convertible sports car ostentatiously during a parking manoeuvre.


Senso Unico

The Senso Unici (for there are two – one in Rome and one in Florence) are hidden art galleries behind hinged wine racks in the wine cellars of modest restaurants. Discovered by the famed explorer [p2p type=”slug” value=”timothy-clunge-martle”] while looking for a bottle of Chianti that didn’t remove all the skin from the inside of […]


fnoise (n.)

Any bing, ding, ping, ring, zing or vibration made by modern electronic devices to disturb your peace and tranquility.  You can probably guess what the “f” stands for – and enoise had already been taken when I Googled it!  I am starting a campaign for a “No FNoise Day”… leave a comment here if you […]


Scotland

A beautiful country to the North of England – vast lakes (lochs), stunning mountains and lush green countryside. Provides the world’s best intestine based main courses (haggis) and battered, deep-fried confectionery desserts (Mars). The locals have many quaint customs including the use of facial punching instead of a hand shake. Go there! [p2p type=”slug” value=”scottish-language”] […]


Countries

Light hearted satirical stereotyping only, people! [p2p type=”slug” value=”america”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”england”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”scotland”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”wales”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”france”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”germany”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”italy”]


PCMCIA

Stands for “People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms”.


Oop_North

The North of England… where men are still men and cars run on biowhippets. Northern Culture Northern Language Northern Places


Omeletted

omletted: adj: flattened Alternatively: adj.: mixed thoroughly then lightly fried to a crisp golden texture.


Norton Fffetherbed

Norton Fffetherbed (pronounced Fanbed) had a career was a disaster to eclipse even that of [p2p type=”slug” value=”izzy-kamezego”]. The host of a late night chat show “Fffetherbed” that was an ill advised combination of the interviewing in bed parts of “The Tube” but with a host who was a cross between a Radio 2 DJ, […]


Kermodian style rant

A fine example of one of Mark Kermodes finest here: Pirates of the Caribbean 3


Izzy Kamezego

A short lived chat show host who presented the pilot for the show [p2p type=”slug” value=”im-a-celibate-get-me-out-of-here”] and was last seen smoking a Camberwell carrot with a man dressed as Father Christmas in biker leathers.


Italy

A magical land of wonder and arse pinching…


Spanky Pagoda

Spanky Pagoda noun: A portable tent which allows the wearer to spank the monkey in private without being arrested for indecent exposure.


Twoderful

wonderful => twoderful


Hugs

WARNING: Those expecting only flippancy and fun – read no furtherther. I am quite drunk while writing this – hence the spelling mistake on the previous line… In my opinion accepted hugs are where it’s at… Any decent book on body language will tell you we all have spacial zones based on our vulnerability and, […]


Homefully

adverb. Wishing to be home so badly that you say “home” alot then accidentally say “homefully” instead of “hopefully”.


Germany

Tricky one this, a minefield of sensitive stereotypes and historical baggage. Oh shit – I said minefield…


French Cuisine

Don’t be daft the French can’t cook – they don’t even know how a deep frier works. Except for: [p2p type=”slug” value=”duck-a-lorange”] – not to be confused with the British dish [p2p type=”slug” value=”duck-a-la-range”].


Frederic Edgar Clunge

Even though the taming and training of goldfish is a very rare skill it really doesn’t pay well. It’s also quite tricky convincing customers that the fish swam through the castle because you signalled it to do so with a series of coded blinks through the side of the tank. He married Mary Myrtle Martle […]


French

I was going to get this page written by a genuine French person… but she went on strike and blocked my drive with her car.


Fiona Farbetwain

Fiona Farbetwain was a Post Mistress in the Outer Hebrides. She came to fame after the sinking of the boat normally used to deliver the post by coming up with the novel solution of wading from one island to the next on stilts.


FDS

Fact Deletion Syndrome – The uncanny ability of a newspaper to delete all relevant information from a news story.


England

The only country in the world where the bowler hat is still considered fashionable, the Carry On films hip and cool and calling women “love” or “darling” still socially acceptable.


Duck a l’Orange

A classic French dish where a duck is distracted from it’s weight training regime to be killed, incinerated and drowned in a sickly sweet orange treacle. Not to be confused with the classic British dish [p2p type=”slug” value=”duck-a-la-range”].


Alaska

The really cold one above and a bit the the left of Canada where everyone is constantly drunk on tequila from a bottle with some blokes toe in it.