Oh yesss... don't stop...
noun: A specialised sub-genre of blackmail where the blackmailer obtains or fakes pictures of the victim in compromising position with a donkey, pony or sheep.
alt: a slightly slower, yet much more reliable form of message based communication.
For rules of play and other versions click Bullshit Bingo: The Rules.
You will notice there are fewer to choose from than the other versions making this the hardest version…
A simple game where you pick six items from the appropriate list then write them down, print them out. This forms your bullshit bingo card… During a TV or radio interview with a politician, a meeting or “core brief” at work or while talking to an elderly friend or relative tick the phrases off when the person says them – shouting “Hugh Laurie” when you get all six. Use your skill and judgment to pick different words depending on which person it is. Click below for the list you want:
There are five distinct kinds of drunk (click to see definitions):
And before anyone else points it out I know there’s a Snow White gag here somewhere… it’ll come to me.
A tendency to tell a story with frequent, lengthy, self-imposed digressions, but always returning unerringly to the original topic.
FDS – Fact Deletion Syndrome – The uncanny ability of a newspaper to delete all relevant information from a news story
An elaborate protective pendant for your bottom.
A popular British dish where Free Range (hence the name) duck is blown to shreds with a shotgun, threatened briefly with a candle then ruined with a sickly sweet orange treacle. Usually ordered with chips.
Not to be confused with the classic French dish Duck a l'Orange.
A dormitory full of inflatable bunk beds.
What are you lookin' at?
Arguably a very plain looking bird which more than makes up for its humdrum appearance with some spectacularly unusual behaviour.
ta' SoH jatlh tlhIngan
Sometimes you make things up and they actually turn out to be real, who’d a thunk it?
A machine which vastly increases the speed at which you can make mistakes while exponentially increasing the trust you place in the erroneous answers it gives you.
bull bacon (n.)
This is a genuine excerpt of an overheard conversation at a barbecue:
“Oooh is that bull bacon…”
“Errr…no, just normal bacon. By the way, the other kind is called beef…”
Well done Lisa Rowe!
NTBFW (abbrev.)
Not to be f****d with. A term which applies to anyone older than about 12 who hasn’t got over burning ants with a magnifying glass, shooting toy soldiers and model aircraft with an air rifle or pulling the legs off a spider, shouting orders at it and believing it doesn’t move because it’s deaf…
Alcohove (n.) An alcove with a drunk peeing in it…
Beanoitis (n.) A sudden propensity for using the word “cripes” accompanied by an uncontrollable urge to make a big heap of mashed potato with sausages sticking out of it.
PS Those of you who, due to age or geography, have no idea what I’m talking about, may wish to go to Beano Town It’s genteel humour from a bygone age, which you may find has a certain charm which modern life lacks and which those of us in our forties have a (probably unjustified) nostalgia for.
Sorry About That
The act of sniffing an aardvark’s bicycle saddle.
You Have Crap Analysts – do some weeding.
An explorer in the same vein as Indiana Jones… in high heels and a skirt.
Born in 1831 in the village of Scrabby Buttock in Somerset, to Frederic Edgar Clunge and Mary Myrtle Martle.
He first came to public notice during the Great Gin Drought of the 1850s discovering a gin lake – complete with juniper bushes – in Guatemala.
It was at this point he developed the high heeled hiking boot which he called the hiking heel, initially arguing that they improved visibility in rough terrain but later admitting that they made his legs look “absolutely stunning”.
Eschewing the bullwhip so popular with the explorers and hunters of the era he adopted the use of the highly unorthodox nunyo-chuk a little known ballasted combat yoyo. Legend has it that on more than one occasion he engaged two opponents using a nunyo-chuk in each hand doing a “walking-the-dog” then flicking the leather chord, snaring their ankles and tipping them over the the cliff edge they were stood next to…
Too F*****g Complicated – either reduce the scope (it’s the only thing you usually have any control over given finite people, money and time) or break it into smaller projects, appoint an extra team to address the interfaces between them.
struttenparker adj.: Someone who revs their convertible sports car ostentatiously during a parking manoeuvre.
The Senso Unici (for there are two – one in Rome and one in Florence) are hidden art galleries behind hinged wine racks in the wine cellars of modest restaurants. Discovered by the famed explorer Timothy Clunge-Martle while looking for a bottle of Chianti that didn’t remove all the skin from the inside of his mouth. The rarity and beauty of the two collections is said to rival the Uffizi and even the Vatican museum. Both now open for public viewing and very well sign posted throughout both cities.
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