Drunkenness (vb.(tr))

There are five distinct kinds of drunk (click to see definitions):

  • [p2p type="slug" value="sleepy-drunks"]
  • [p2p type="slug" value="punchy-drunks"]
  • [p2p type="slug" value="giggly-drunks"]
  • [p2p type="slug" value="cuddly-drunks"]
  • [p2p type="slug" value="grumpy-drunks"]

And before anyone else points it out I know there’s a Snow White gag here somewhere… it’ll come to me.


Corbettian (adj.)

A tendency to tell a story with frequent, lengthy, self-imposed digressions, but always returning unerringly to the original topic.


Thai Food

GAI GOR DON – a deep fried Mars bar accompanied by bagpipes and dancing. KAO PAD GUM – a delicious deep fried cow pat garnished with well chewed bubblegum (which should still be warm and moist). PED RON – Thai version of a Mexcican dish from the East end of London. LAB GAI YANG – […]


FDS

FDS – Fact Deletion Syndrome – The uncanny ability of a newspaper to delete all relevant information from a news story


Bumulet (n.)

An elaborate protective pendant for your bottom.


Duck a la Range

A popular British dish where Free Range (hence the name) duck is blown to shreds with a shotgun, threatened briefly with a candle then ruined with a sickly sweet orange treacle. Usually ordered with chips. Not to be confused with the classic French dish [p2p type="slug" value="duck-a-lorange"].


Bendidorm (n.)

A dormitory full of inflatable bunk beds.


Somerset Thrush

  Arguably a very plain looking bird which more than makes up for its humdrum appearance with some spectacularly unusual behaviour. Drinking Habits: Fond of bird baths but only if filled with cider. Eating Habits: An exclusive diet of earthworms which it brings to the surface by headbutting the lawn – usually after drinking a […]


Klingon Geese

Sometimes you make things up and they actually turn out to be real, who’d a thunk it?


Computer (n.)

A machine which vastly increases the speed at which you can make mistakes while exponentially increasing the trust you place in the erroneous answers it gives you.


bull bacon

bull bacon (n.) This is a genuine excerpt of an overheard conversation at a barbecue: “Oooh is that bull bacon…” “Errr…no, just normal bacon.  By the way, the other kind is called beef…” Well done Lisa Rowe!


NTBFW

NTBFW (abbrev.) Not to be f****d with.  A term which applies to anyone older than about 12 who hasn’t got over burning ants with a magnifying glass, shooting toy soldiers and model aircraft with an air rifle or pulling the legs off a spider, shouting orders at it and believing it doesn’t move because it’s […]


Alcohove

Alcohove (n.) An alcove with a drunk peeing in it…


Beanoitis

Beanoitis (n.) A sudden propensity for using the word “cripes” accompanied by an uncontrollable urge to make a big heap of mashed potato with sausages sticking out of it. PS Those of you who, due to age or geography, have no idea what I’m talking about, may wish to go to Beano Town It’s genteel […]


Sorry ’bout that…


Aardvark Snurging

The act of sniffing an aardvark’s bicycle saddle.


YHCA

You Have Crap Analysts – do some weeding.


Units of Measure

[p2p type="slug" value="scubic-funt"] [p2p type="slug" value="pubic-funt"] [p2p type="slug" value="public-funt"]


Timothy Clunge-Martle

An explorer in the same vein as Indiana Jones… in high heels and a skirt. Born in 1831 in the village of [p2p type="slug" value="scrabby-buttock"] in Somerset, to [p2p type="slug" value="frederic-edgar-clunge"] and Mary Myrtle Martle. He first came to public notice during the Great Gin Drought of the 1850s discovering a gin lake – complete […]


TFC

Too F*****g Complicated – either reduce the scope (it’s the only thing you usually have any control over given finite people, money and time) or break it into smaller projects, appoint an extra team to address the interfaces between them.


struttenparker

struttenparker adj.: Someone who revs their convertible sports car ostentatiously during a parking manoeuvre.


Senso Unico

The Senso Unici (for there are two – one in Rome and one in Florence) are hidden art galleries behind hinged wine racks in the wine cellars of modest restaurants. Discovered by the famed explorer [p2p type="slug" value="timothy-clunge-martle"] while looking for a bottle of Chianti that didn’t remove all the skin from the inside of […]


fnoise (n.)

Any bing, ding, ping, ring, zing or vibration made by modern electronic devices to disturb your peace and tranquility.  You can probably guess what the “f” stands for – and enoise had already been taken when I Googled it!  I am starting a campaign for a “No FNoise Day”… leave a comment here if you […]


Scotland

A beautiful country to the North of England – vast lakes (lochs), stunning mountains and lush green countryside. Provides the world’s best intestine based main courses (haggis) and battered, deep-fried confectionery desserts (Mars). The locals have many quaint customs including the use of facial punching instead of a hand shake. Go there! [p2p type="slug" value="scottish-language"] […]


Countries

Light hearted satirical stereotyping only, people! [p2p type="slug" value="america"] [p2p type="slug" value="england"] [p2p type="slug" value="scotland"] [p2p type="slug" value="wales"] [p2p type="slug" value="france"] [p2p type="slug" value="germany"] [p2p type="slug" value="italy"]