Wimborne (n.)

Wimborne (a.k.a Wimborne Pants): Originating near the Dorset/Somerset border this is a completely non-contact, defensive art practiced principally in public houses.

Scenario: Having accidentally jostled a fellow customer you are confronted with a very irate “Oy mate! Did you spill my pint?

Escape Phase 1: You turn 10 degrees towards the assailant, widen your eyes, opens your mouth as wide as possible and shout the word “Wimborne” without closing your mouth.

Escape Phase 2: The assailant usually retreats rapidly at this juncture but if they don’t you can follow up with a quick tilt of the head, rolling your eyes upwards, mouth still wide, and then utter the words “Wimborne pants”, again without closing your mouth. Done loudly and firmly this will end the encounter.

Advanced: practitioners have perfected a plaintive version where the pants-phase is done with a lowered voice and a pathetic slightly questioning tone. Done correctly this should result in the assailant buying the you a pint.

Resting between bouts...