Category Archives: People

They may not really exists – but they are a laugh!

Sex in the Toilet (cocktail)

Bailey’s floating on lager – usually garnished with a fresh cigarrette butt.

Scotty B Dunn

A well known Scotts pragmatist.

Round Robin

Round Robin – an item of spam updating you on the minutiae of other peoples lives you’d rather not know. Here’s mine from last Christmas… It’s been a marvellous year. Following the publication of my third novel “Jerry Gerbil’s Adventures in Combat Accountancy” (sequel to “Jerry Gerbil’s ‘I Myself’ – Misadventures with Reflexive Pronouns”) we […]

pistential (adj.)

A feeling of unfulfilled promise you only get while profoundly drunk.

Donkeymail (n. or vb.(tr))

noun: A specialised sub-genre of blackmail where the blackmailer obtains or fakes pictures of the victim in compromising position with a donkey, pony or sheep. alt: a slightly slower, yet much more reliable form of message based communication.

Bullshit Bingo: Old People

For rules of play and other versions click [p2p type=”slug” value=”bullshit-bingo-rules”]. You will notice there are fewer to choose from than the other versions making this the hardest version… I got you two for wash ‘n’ wear…  I’ve bought you two hideous bath mats. Are you all alright?  I want to talk about medical procedures and […]

Drunkenness (vb.(tr))

There are five distinct kinds of drunk (click to see definitions): [p2p type=”slug” value=”sleepy-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”punchy-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”giggly-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”cuddly-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”grumpy-drunks”] And before anyone else points it out I know there’s a Snow White gag here somewhere… it’ll come to me.

Thai Food

GAI GOR DON – a deep fried Mars bar accompanied by bagpipes and dancing. KAO PAD GUM – a delicious deep fried cow pat garnished with well chewed bubblegum (which should still be warm and moist). PED RON – Thai version of a Mexcican dish from the East end of London. LAB GAI YANG – […]

Sorry ’bout that…

Aardvark Snurging

The act of sniffing an aardvark’s bicycle saddle.

Timothy Clunge-Martle

An explorer in the same vein as Indiana Jones… in high heels and a skirt. Born in 1831 in the village of [p2p type=”slug” value=”scrabby-buttock”] in Somerset, to [p2p type=”slug” value=”frederic-edgar-clunge”] and Mary Myrtle Martle. He first came to public notice during the Great Gin Drought of the 1850s discovering a gin lake – complete […]

struttenparker

struttenparker adj.: Someone who revs their convertible sports car ostentatiously during a parking manoeuvre.

Omeletted

omletted: adj: flattened Alternatively: adj.: mixed thoroughly then lightly fried to a crisp golden texture.

Norton Fffetherbed

Norton Fffetherbed (pronounced Fanbed) had a career was a disaster to eclipse even that of [p2p type=”slug” value=”izzy-kamezego”]. The host of a late night chat show “Fffetherbed” that was an ill advised combination of the interviewing in bed parts of “The Tube” but with a host who was a cross between a Radio 2 DJ, […]

Kermodian style rant

A fine example of one of Mark Kermodes finest here: Pirates of the Caribbean 3

Izzy Kamezego

A short lived chat show host who presented the pilot for the show [p2p type=”slug” value=”im-a-celibate-get-me-out-of-here”] and was last seen smoking a Camberwell carrot with a man dressed as Father Christmas in biker leathers.

French Cuisine

Don’t be daft the French can’t cook – they don’t even know how a deep frier works. Except for: [p2p type=”slug” value=”duck-a-lorange”] – not to be confused with the British dish [p2p type=”slug” value=”duck-a-la-range”].