This begs the question: Is there such a thing as “Gradual Gunfire”?
Author Archives: RosieB
switchatarian (n): a vegetarian who occasionally compromises and eats meat. Switchatarian.com
Percentitis (n.) describing things using percentages all the time: “That [p2p type=”slug” value=”bovril-punch”] was 73.9 percent less enjoyable than I was expecting it to be…” “That movie was 2.3% less disappointing than I expected it to be…”
A noun which the has been turned into a verb: e.g. party, favourite or more recently medal…
nail gun (n.) a) A kind of hair drier device used by builders to dry their nail varnish. b) A weapon used to hold up beauty salons. WARNING: To the litigious among you this is complete fiction – under no circumstances use a Nail Gun to dry your nails! If robbing a hair salon DO […]
midtone (n.) a terrible rapid but droning voice popular with geeks and some DJs and TV presenters. Inspired by the DJ Chris Moyles saying another DJ spoke “like the middle part of a horse race”.
hobos (n.) Greek for “pimp”.
gasoflage (n.): Going to a wildlife park or zoo with the specific intention of hiding the vile sounds and smells being emitted from your own arse. See also [p2p type=”slug” value=”trumpterfuge”]
Fegan (n.) Short for “fake vegan” – this is someone who declares themselves to be Vegan but walks around with their pockets stuffed with raw beef and chicken heads which they nibble when nobody is looking.
hyperelongationism (n.) The act of or a tendency towards hyperelongationising; adding pointless extensions to the end of a word in the hope of appearing smarterer. Particularly prevalent in legal circles which backs up my theory… directionality => direction (CSI New York) usurpation => usurping (from the US Declaration of Independence) importation => import or importing burglarized […]
horizontalitis (n.) The phenomenon where your bookshelves are full so you start stacking them on that tempting ledge in front of the vertical on
Claryitis (n.) Named in honour of the British comedian Julian Clary. A common condition whereby a simple double entendre sends the sufferer into frenzy of seeing double meanings where there simply aren’t any. For instance a colleague recently pulled out (ooerr) of a works outing at the last minute and declared “my slot is free if […]
Bidecaditis (n.) The phenomenon where, every twenty years, the music has become incomprehensibly vile, the behaviour of young people has deteriorated to an all time low and booze is five times the price it was when you were able to drink more than five pints without needing a lie down
Arlseburg (n.) The dregs of a glass of lager with a cigarette butt floating in it
Antichris (n.) I have a buddy called Chris Hannam – he’s a safety consultant in the entertainment industry his website is here Stagesafe. The Antichris is his twin brother who is a stuntman…
lactodaisical (adj): A sudden feeling that you are quite capable of breast feeding – even though your a bloke..
Bailey’s floating on lager – usually garnished with a fresh cigarrette butt.
4 inches claiming to be 6 inches – see shaving mirror.
An increasingly rare speech impediment leading to a complete ignorance of how a word is spelt or pronounced by the vast majority of the population. This results in bizarre pronunciations missing out entire sections of a word and often in saying different words in exactly the same way. Examples: The words “really” and “rarely” are […]
These invisible hazards are the cause of those mysterious groin aches you get after a bout of ill advised, heavy drinking.
An item of clothing, worn mostly by women, which causes men to constantly stare at the wearer’s bottom.
Is the strip of grass you find growing down the middle of a track where 4x4s drive.
Speaking rapidly, without pausing, or breathing and with a tone of unquestionable authority using a minimum of four obscure film references to illustrate points where others use mere words, but always returning in a [p2p type=”slug” value=”corbettian”] fashion to the main topic. Can occasionally give the impression that your iPod has gone into fast forward […]
Gruntle (adj) disgruntled – Unhappy; dissatisfied; frustrated. gruntled – Happy; satisfied; calm. degruntled – moved from gruntled to disgruntled of your own accord. engruntled – moved from disgruntled to gruntled – esp. by someone else. gruntlized – forced into an unwilling state of gruntlement. gruntlefied – the result of being gruntlized. gruntlation – don’t be […]