Monthly Archives: March 2015

Bideccaquadritis (n.)

A severe addiction to 24 resulting in the use of the following phrases in casual conversation by the vending machines: “That’s a mistake – never select decaf.” “You have to let me do it my way – otherwise the sliding door thing get’s stuck.” “I don’t care! I like the taste of dishwater.” “Tell me […]

Dissociated Hair Syndrome

A phenomenon which occurs when you have your hair professionally coiffured to such a degree it ends up looking like a wig… very prevalent among media luvvys. Can also occur as a result of failing to come to terms with the fact you’re thinning, resorting instead to a thoroughly unconvincing comb-over.


switchatarian (n): a vegetarian who occasionally compromises and eats meat.


Percentitis (n.) describing things using percentages all the time: “That [p2p type=”slug” value=”bovril-punch”] was 73.9 percent less enjoyable than I was expecting it to be…” “That movie was 2.3% less disappointing than I expected it to be…”

Nerb (n.)

A noun which the has been turned into a verb: e.g. party, favourite or more recently medal…

Nail Gun

nail gun (n.) a) A kind of hair drier device used by builders to dry their nail varnish. b) A weapon used to hold up beauty salons. WARNING: To the litigious among you this is complete fiction – under no circumstances use a Nail Gun to dry your nails! If robbing a hair salon DO […]


midtone (n.) a terrible rapid but droning voice popular with geeks and some DJs and TV presenters. Inspired by the DJ Chris Moyles saying another DJ spoke “like the middle part of a horse race”.