There are five distinct kinds of drunk (click to see definitions):
And before anyone else points it out I know there’s a Snow White gag here somewhere… it’ll come to me.
Posts Tagged ‘Behaviour’
The act of sniffing an aardvark’s bicycle saddle.
These fall broadly into three sub-categories:
- Comedy – lurch about swinging wildly and can’t hit a thing and can amuse you for hours but if you’re a good friend make sure they don’t hurt themselves.
- Professional – can hit really hard and are what Tasers were invented for. aka “twats” or “psycopaths”.
- Literal – they are called “punchy drunks” because they drink all the damn punch… you might want to Scotchgard your carpet.
Izabluddy clown innit? Bowtize fulla booozze... leeme aloooone...
Ok, you’ve got me, I put this in because of the 7 dwarves thing and can’t think of a gag…
Grumpy drunks… they’re grumpy, don’t invite them to parties…
Prone to laughing at absolutely nothing until their eyes look just as red as Blubby Drunks.
Very cute when they fall asleep, mildly annoying when they snore, yucky when they dribble in your crotch.
Depending on your mood and their attractiveness they can be great fun or a total liability.
If attractiveness is the deciding factor – have more punch!
If your mood is the deciding facor and you are any of the other Drunkenness (vb.(tr)) types – apart from Punchy Drunks – drink more punch!
Highly likely to become Sleepy Drunks with the rapidity of a battery operated toy.
Blubby Drunks careen around your party all evening crying and talking in that strange way where all the words run together until abruptly swinging into one of the other drunk types when they aren’t getting enough attention. Don’t let them near the punch – unless it’s our very own Bovril Punch – because they’ll cry and snot into it and fruit punches taste really crap with salt in them.
If you can give someone a false sense of security – can you give them a genuine sense of insecurity?
This is a simple test to find out if the company you’re working for is in grave difficulties.
Order a pencil (or the smallest number of pencils you are allowed to order).
- If they tell you to go to the stationary cupboard and it’s unlocked everything is fine.
- If they tell you to go to the stationary cupboard and it’s locked – be wary, some form of cost conscious control freakery is in play.
- If you have to fill in any kind of form for an individual pencil you may want to start circulating CVs…
- If the form has to go all the way to board level for signatures … RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Spanky Pagoda (n.) a portable tent which allows the wearer to spank the monkey in private.
