Tag Archives: Behaviour

Punchy Drunks

These fall broadly into three sub-categories: Comedy – lurch about swinging wildly and can’t hit a thing and can amuse you for hours but if you’re a good friend make sure they don’t hurt themselves. Professional – can hit really hard and are what Tasers were invented for.  aka “twats” or “psycopaths”. Literal – they […]

Grumpy Drunks

Ok, you’ve got me, I put this in because of the 7 dwarves thing and can’t think of a gag… Grumpy drunks… they’re grumpy, don’t invite them to parties…

Giggly Drunks

Prone to laughing at absolutely nothing until their eyes look just as red as [p2p type=”slug” value=”blubby-drunks”].

Sleepy Drunks

Very cute when they fall asleep, mildly annoying when they snore, yucky when they dribble in your crotch.

Cuddly Drunks

Depending on your mood and their attractiveness they can be great fun or a total liability. If attractiveness is the deciding factor – have more punch! If your mood is the deciding facor and you are any of the other [p2p type=”slug” value=”drunkenness”] types – apart from [p2p type=”slug” value=”punchy-drunks”] – drink more punch! Highly […]

Blubby Drunks

Blubby Drunks careen around your party all evening crying and talking in that strange way where all the words run together until abruptly swinging into one of the other drunk types when they aren’t getting enough attention. Don’t let them near the punch – unless it’s our very own [p2p type=”slug” value=”bovril-punch”] – because they’ll […]

Insecurity

If you can give someone a false sense of security – can you give them a genuine sense of insecurity?

The Pencil Test

This is a simple test to find out if the company you’re working for is in grave difficulties. Order a pencil (or the smallest number of pencils you are allowed to order). If they tell you to go to the stationary cupboard and it’s unlocked everything is fine. If they tell you to go to […]

Spanky Pagoda

Spanky Pagoda (n.) a portable tent which allows the wearer to spank the monkey in private.

Drunkenness (vb.(tr))

There are five distinct kinds of drunk (click to see definitions): [p2p type=”slug” value=”sleepy-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”punchy-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”giggly-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”cuddly-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”grumpy-drunks”] And before anyone else points it out I know there’s a Snow White gag here somewhere… it’ll come to me.

Aardvark Snurging

The act of sniffing an aardvark’s bicycle saddle.