A simple game where you pick six items from the appropriate list then write them down, print them out. This forms your bullshit bingo card… During a TV or radio interview with a politician, a meeting or “core brief” at work or while talking to an elderly friend or relative tick the phrases off when […]
There are five distinct kinds of drunk (click to see definitions): And before anyone else points it out I know there’s a Snow White gag here somewhere… it’ll come to me.
A tendency to tell a story with frequent, lengthy, self-imposed digressions, but always returning unerringly to the original topic.
GAI GOR DON – a deep fried Mars bar accompanied by bagpipes and dancing. KAO PAD GUM – a delicious deep fried cow pat garnished with well chewed bubblegum (which should still be warm and moist). PED RON – Thai version of a Mexcican dish from the East end of London. LAB GAI YANG – […]
FDS – Fact Deletion Syndrome – The uncanny ability of a newspaper to delete all relevant information from a news story
An elaborate protective pendant for your bottom.
A popular British dish where Free Range (hence the name) duck is blown to shreds with a shotgun, threatened briefly with a candle then ruined with a sickly sweet orange treacle. Usually ordered with chips. Not to be confused with the classic French dish .
A dormitory full of inflatable bunk beds.
Arguably a very plain looking bird which more than makes up for its humdrum appearance with some spectacularly unusual behaviour. Drinking Habits: Fond of bird baths but only if filled with cider. Eating Habits: An exclusive diet of earthworms which it brings to the surface by headbutting the lawn – usually after drinking a […]
Sometimes you make things up and they actually turn out to be real, who’d a thunk it?
A machine which vastly increases the speed at which you can make mistakes while exponentially increasing the trust you place in the erroneous answers it gives you.
bull bacon (n.) This is a genuine excerpt of an overheard conversation at a barbecue: “Oooh is that bull bacon…” “Errr…no, just normal bacon. By the way, the other kind is called beef…” Well done Lisa Rowe! [ad#AdSense 125×125]
NTBFW (abbrev.) Not to be f****d with. A term which applies to anyone older than about 12 who hasn’t got over burning ants with a magnifying glass, shooting toy soldiers and model aircraft with an air rifle or pulling the legs off a spider, shouting orders at it and believing it doesn’t move because it’s […]
Alcohove (n.) An alcove with a drunk peeing in it…
Beanoitis (n.) A sudden propensity for using the word “cripes” accompanied by an uncontrollable urge to make a big heap of mashed potato with sausages sticking out of it. PS Those of you who, due to age or geography, have no idea what I’m talking about, may wish to go to Beano Town It’s genteel […]
The act of sniffing an aardvark’s bicycle saddle.
You Have Crap Analysts – do some weeding.
An explorer in the same vein as Indiana Jones… in high heels and a skirt. Born in 1831 in the village of in Somerset, to and Mary Myrtle Martle. He first came to public notice during the Great Gin Drought of the 1850s discovering a gin lake – complete with juniper bushes – in Guatemala. […]
Too F*****g Complicated – either reduce the scope (it’s the only thing you usually have any control over given finite people, money and time) or break it into smaller projects, appoint an extra team to address the interfaces between them.
struttenparker adj.: Someone who revs their convertible sports car ostentatiously during a parking manoeuvre.
The Senso Unici (for there are two – one in Rome and one in Florence) are hidden art galleries behind hinged wine racks in the wine cellars of modest restaurants. Discovered by the famed explorer while looking for a bottle of Chianti that didn’t remove all the skin from the inside of his mouth. The […]
Any bing, ding, ping, ring, zing or vibration made by modern electronic devices to disturb your peace and tranquility. You can probably guess what the “f” stands for – and enoise had already been taken when I Googled it! I am starting a campaign for a “No FNoise Day”… leave a comment here if you […]
A beautiful country to the North of England – vast lakes (lochs), stunning mountains and lush green countryside. Provides the world’s best intestine based main courses (haggis) and battered, deep-fried confectionery desserts (Mars). The locals have many quaint customs including the use of facial punching instead of a hand shake. Go there!