WikiFictionary

A terrible condition which afflicts anyone whose job involves repeating a breezy greeting or repetitive and insincere offer of assistance to people they really don’t care about.  This results in the creation of a whole host of new fictionary words like:

• Jawonanysawses?
• Jalykadrink?
• Pastrywivat?
• Enthintweet?
• Pliskallmibakon (incomprehensible phone number).
• Wojjalyke?
• Kannagajennything?
• Crispynutsothersnaks?
• Galarge?

And the eponymous kanelpyu… diagnosis is relatively straightforward as the questioner is distorting your reply in a similar way so anything vaguely resembling an expected answer will result in the delivery of the correct item.  For instance when asked Crispynutsothersnaks? If the reply ”A bucket of pine nuts, please.” results in a “Packet of peanuts” rather than a puzzled look… they are definitely suffering from kanelpyu.

This is a simple test to find out if the company you’re working for is in grave difficulties.

Order a pencil (or the smallest number of pencils you are allowed to order).

• If they tell you to go to the stationary cupboard and it’s unlocked everything is fine.
• If they tell you to go to the stationary cupboard and it’s locked – be wary, some form of cost conscious control freakery is in play.
• If you have to fill in any kind of form for an individual pencil you may want to start circulating CVs…
• If the form has to go all the way to board level for signatures … RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

This is a phenomenon in IT design where the coding phase of the project never starts because the analysis or design is never finished.

Can be caused by several factors:

• TFC
• YHCA
• ANNY

For rules of play and other versions click Bullshit Bingo: The Rules.

1. We’re making excellent progress.  We’re 80% done in 20% of the time.
2. The project shows as a red light on the MIS. The remaining 20% is taking 80% of the time.
3. It has to be done by <random date>.  It’s not a real deadline but we told the board the date. Don’t bother to get it right, get it done on time.
4. Thank you all for your efforts at the weekend.  I was playing golf you mugs.
5. We’re under resourced.  Project scope has expanded and completely changed.
6. Let’s drill-down a bit on that…  I’m a pretentious twat.
7. We need to touch base…  I’m still a pretentious twat.
8. We’re downsizing… You’re fired.
9. You’re a team player.  We need to tic-tac next week regarding vertical integration possibilities. This is great fun – everyone thinks I’m cool because of the way I talk!
10. We’re on an efficiency drive…We’ve locked the stationary cupboard.
11. We’re rationalising… You’re fired.
12. I need a SWOT report vis-à-vis the procurement cycle to ensure we’re sweating the assets. I have no f***ing clue what I’m talking about – BUT neither do they!
13. We need to cut overheads… You’re fired.
14. We need to leverage our resources to facilitate progress going forward.  It’s amazing no one has punched me in the face.
15. Can you give me a heads-up?  I need an excuse to fire you.
16. We need to make savings… You’re fired.
17. The Directors have said there’s going to be a paradigm shift. We’re all going to be fired.
18. We need to watch our bottom line… You’re fired.
19. I don’t have much bandwidth to connect ear-to-ear this week regarding the deliverables or to facilitate leveraging a home run.  I’m losing my mind.
20. There’s been a management restructure.  I’ve been fired.

A simple game where you pick six items from the appropriate list then write them down, print them out.  This forms your bullshit bingo card…  During a TV or radio interview with a politician, a meeting or “core brief” at work or while talking to an elderly friend or relative tick the phrases off when the person says them – shouting “Hugh Laurie” when you get all six.  Use your skill and judgment to pick different words depending on which person it is.  Click below for the list you want:

• Bullshit Bingo: Politicians
• Bullshit Bingo: Managers
• Bullshit Bingo: Old People