A tendency to tell a story with frequent, lengthy, self-imposed digressions, but always returning unerringly to the original topic.
Archive for the ‘Fictionary Dictionary’ Category
FDS – Fact Deletion Syndrome – The uncanny ability of a newspaper to delete all relevant information from a news story
An elaborate protective pendant for your bottom.
A dormitory full of inflatable bunk beds.
A machine which vastly increases the speed at which you can make mistakes while exponentially increasing the trust you place in the erroneous answers it gives you.
bull bacon (n.)
This is a genuine excerpt of an overheard conversation at a barbecue:
“Oooh is that bull bacon…”
“Errr…no, just normal bacon. By the way, the other kind is called beef…”
Well done Lisa Rowe!
NTBFW (abbrev.)
Not to be f****d with. A term which applies to anyone older than about 12 who hasn’t got over burning ants with a magnifying glass, shooting toy soldiers and model aircraft with an air rifle or pulling the legs off a spider, shouting orders at it and believing it doesn’t move because it’s deaf…
Alcohove (n.) An alcove with a drunk peeing in it…
Beanoitis (n.) A sudden propensity for using the word “cripes” accompanied by an uncontrollable urge to make a big heap of mashed potato with sausages sticking out of it.
PS Those of you who, due to age or geography, have no idea what I’m talking about, may wish to go to Beano Town It’s genteel humour from a bygone age, which you may find has a certain charm which modern life lacks and which those of us in our forties have a (probably unjustified) nostalgia for.
You Have Crap Analysts – do some weeding.
Too F*****g Complicated – either reduce the scope (it’s the only thing you usually have any control over given finite people, money and time) or break it into smaller projects, appoint an extra team to address the interfaces between them.
Any bing, ding, ping, ring, zing or vibration made by modern electronic devices to disturb your peace and tranquility. You can probably guess what the “f” stands for – and enoise had already been taken when I Googled it! I am starting a campaign for a “No FNoise Day”… leave a comment here if you want to join in… see my other blog www.SixWordIdeas.com for details.
Stands for “People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms”.
wonderful => twoderful
WARNING: Those expecting only flippancy and fun – read no furtherther.
I am quite drunk while writing this – hence the spelling mistake on the previous line…
In my opinion accepted hugs are where it’s at…
Any decent book on body language will tell you we all have spacial zones based on our vulnerability and, therefore, our trust.
To allow physical contact is an expression of total trust…
That’s why films where adversaries embrace hold the power to move you to tears… herein lies the answer to all human conflict.
Acceptance and trust…
adverb. Wishing to be home so badly that you say “home” alot then accidentally say “homefully” instead of “hopefully”.
Fact Deletion Syndrome – The uncanny ability of a newspaper to delete all relevant information from a news story.
Kanelpyu (n.)
Chasman on March 23, 2012 in Fictionary Dictionary, Organisations, People No Comments »A terrible condition which afflicts anyone whose job involves repeating a breezy greeting or repetitive and insincere offer of assistance to people they really don’t care about. This results in the creation of a whole host of new fictionary words like:
- Jawonanysawses?
- Jalykadrink?
- Pastrywivat?
- Enthintweet?
- Pliskallmibakon (incomprehensible phone number).
- Wojjalyke?
- Kannagajennything?
- Crispynutsothersnaks?
- Galarge?
And the eponymous kanelpyu… diagnosis is relatively straightforward as the questioner is distorting your reply in a similar way so anything vaguely resembling an expected answer will result in the delivery of the correct item. For instance when asked Crispynutsothersnaks? If the reply ”A bucket of pine nuts, please.” results in a “Packet of peanuts” rather than a puzzled look… they are definitely suffering from kanelpyu.
The end result of eating paté which has passed it’s sell by date.
Analyst Needs New Yacht – someone is padding the task with impressive presentations and protestations of complexity – do some more weeding.
bialance (n) : A combination of bias and balance. A media technique which appears to add objectivity to an item but actually allows the creator to twist the result to their preferred outcome.
Technique 1: Ask a person you disagree with to come onto the program to “express their viewpoint” or “set the record straight” then invite either a vociferous opponent or an angry person affected by whatever issue is under discussion.
Technique 2: Ask people on the street for their comments then, irrespective of the proportions expressing a preference for the available options, edit the piece to give the desired impression. This applies a lot to UK political coverage where opinions frequently seem to split evenly two or three ways when the reality seems unlikely to be this simple.
That unmistakable all year round ruddiness of the raging alcoholic.
The perfect term for those moments when you meet someone so idiotic that halfwit just won’t do and quarterwit seems too harsh…
Verukalate [VEH-roo-KAH-late] (v.)
1. To act like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory. 2. To be a snobby little brat
