Fact Deletion Syndrome – The uncanny ability of a newspaper to delete all relevant information from a news story.
A terrible condition which afflicts anyone whose job involves repeating a breezy greeting or repetitive and insincere offer of assistance to people they really don’t care about. This results in the creation of a whole host of new fictionary words like: Jawonanysawses? Jalykadrink? Pastrywivat? Enthintweet? Pliskallmibakon (incomprehensible phone number). Wojjalyke? Kannagajennything? Crispynutsothersnaks? Galarge? And the […]
The end result of eating paté which has passed it’s sell by date.
A crucial active ingredient in all modern shampoos and conditioners…
That really odd sideways and upwards look which makes the selfie taker look like they’ve had either an orgasm or a stroke…
Analyst Needs New Yacht – someone is padding the task with impressive presentations and protestations of complexity – do some more weeding.
bialance (n) : A combination of bias and balance. A media technique which appears to add objectivity to an item but actually allows the creator to twist the result to their preferred outcome. Technique 1: Ask a person you disagree with to come onto the program to “express their viewpoint” or “set the record straight” […]
That unmistakable all year round ruddiness of the raging alcoholic.
The perfect term for those moments when you meet someone so idiotic that halfwit just won’t do and quarterwit seems too harsh…
Used to describe any gadget guaranteed to divide opinion into three distinct camps… Camp 1: It is unmitigated genius the likes of which have never before been seen upon the face of the Earth and for which we should give daily thanks as its mere appearance is like the tears of an angel being cried […]
A severe addiction to 24 resulting in the use of the following phrases in casual conversation by the vending machines: “That’s a mistake – never select decaf.” “You have to let me do it my way – otherwise the sliding door thing get’s stuck.” “I don’t care! I like the taste of dishwater.” “Tell me […]
A “spam apology”. This refers to the insincere canned emails you receive from the complaint pages of many websites. The worst offenders (you know who you are!) are sites which prefer never to deal with real humans and don’t have any phone numbers as a result. You go to complain and get sent to an […]
gentrification (n): The canal still has bodies floating by from time to time; but they’re wearing really nice suits.
A prime example of [p2p type=”slug” value=”hyperelongationism”] because it is frequently used where the word method would suffice but methodology sounds more impressive.
bull bacon (n.) This is a genuine excerpt of an overheard conversation at a barbecue: “Oooh is that bull bacon…” “Errr…no, just normal bacon. By the way, the other kind is called beef…” Well done Lisa Rowe! [ad#AdSense 125×125]
NTBFW (abbrev.) Not to be f****d with. A term which applies to anyone older than about 12 who hasn’t got over burning ants with a magnifying glass, shooting toy soldiers and model aircraft with an air rifle or pulling the legs off a spider, shouting orders at it and believing it doesn’t move because it’s […]
Alcohove (n.) An alcove with a drunk peeing in it…
Beanoitis (n.) A sudden propensity for using the word “cripes” accompanied by an uncontrollable urge to make a big heap of mashed potato with sausages sticking out of it. PS Those of you who, due to age or geography, have no idea what I’m talking about, may wish to go to Beano Town It’s genteel […]
You Have Crap Analysts – do some weeding.
[p2p type=”slug” value=”scubic-funt”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”pubic-funt”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”public-funt”]
Too F*****g Complicated – either reduce the scope (it’s the only thing you usually have any control over given finite people, money and time) or break it into smaller projects, appoint an extra team to address the interfaces between them.
Any bing, ding, ping, ring, zing or vibration made by modern electronic devices to disturb your peace and tranquility. You can probably guess what the “f” stands for – and enoise had already been taken when I Googled it! I am starting a campaign for a “No FNoise Day”… leave a comment here if you […]
Stands for “People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms”.
wonderful => twoderful
WARNING: Those expecting only flippancy and fun – read no furtherther. I am quite drunk while writing this – hence the spelling mistake on the previous line… In my opinion accepted hugs are where it’s at… Any decent book on body language will tell you we all have spacial zones based on our vulnerability and, […]
