Monthly Archives: January 2015

Bullshit Bingo: Managers

For rules of play and other versions click [p2p type=”slug” value=”bullshit-bingo-rules”]. We’re making excellent progress.  We’re 80% done in 20% of the time. The project shows as a red light on the MIS. The remaining 20% is taking 80% of the time. It has to be done by <random date>.  It’s not a real deadline but […]

Donkeymail (n. or vb.(tr))

noun: A specialised sub-genre of blackmail where the blackmailer obtains or fakes pictures of the victim in compromising position with a donkey, pony or sheep. alt: a slightly slower, yet much more reliable form of message based communication.

Bullshit Bingo: Old People

For rules of play and other versions click [p2p type=”slug” value=”bullshit-bingo-rules”]. You will notice there are fewer to choose from than the other versions making this the hardest version… I got you two for wash ‘n’ wear…  I’ve bought you two hideous bath mats. Are you all alright?  I want to talk about medical procedures and […]

Bullshit Bingo: The Rules

A simple game where you pick six items from the appropriate list then write them down, print them out.  This forms your bullshit bingo card…  During a TV or radio interview with a politician, a meeting or “core brief” at work or while talking to an elderly friend or relative tick the phrases off when […]

Drunkenness (vb.(tr))

There are five distinct kinds of drunk (click to see definitions): [p2p type=”slug” value=”sleepy-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”punchy-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”giggly-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”cuddly-drunks”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”grumpy-drunks”] And before anyone else points it out I know there’s a Snow White gag here somewhere… it’ll come to me.

Thai Food

GAI GOR DON – a deep fried Mars bar accompanied by bagpipes and dancing. KAO PAD GUM – a delicious deep fried cow pat garnished with well chewed bubblegum (which should still be warm and moist). PED RON – Thai version of a Mexcican dish from the East end of London. LAB GAI YANG – […]

Duck a la Range

A popular British dish where Free Range (hence the name) duck is blown to shreds with a shotgun, threatened briefly with a candle then ruined with a sickly sweet orange treacle. Usually ordered with chips. Not to be confused with the classic French dish [p2p type=”slug” value=”duck-a-lorange”].

bull bacon

bull bacon (n.) This is a genuine excerpt of an overheard conversation at a barbecue: “Oooh is that bull bacon…” “Errr…no, just normal bacon.  By the way, the other kind is called beef…” Well done Lisa Rowe! [ad#AdSense 125×125]

NTBFW

NTBFW (abbrev.) Not to be f****d with.  A term which applies to anyone older than about 12 who hasn’t got over burning ants with a magnifying glass, shooting toy soldiers and model aircraft with an air rifle or pulling the legs off a spider, shouting orders at it and believing it doesn’t move because it’s […]

Alcohove

Alcohove (n.) An alcove with a drunk peeing in it…

Beanoitis

Beanoitis (n.) A sudden propensity for using the word “cripes” accompanied by an uncontrollable urge to make a big heap of mashed potato with sausages sticking out of it. PS Those of you who, due to age or geography, have no idea what I’m talking about, may wish to go to Beano Town It’s genteel […]

Sorry ’bout that…

Aardvark Snurging

The act of sniffing an aardvark’s bicycle saddle.

YHCA

You Have Crap Analysts – do some weeding.

Units of Measure

[p2p type=”slug” value=”scubic-funt”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”pubic-funt”] [p2p type=”slug” value=”public-funt”]